


No We Didn't

by clara_blairheart



Category: The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (TV)
Genre: Dirty Talk, F/M, Flirting, Spoilers, season 2 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 05:00:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16926963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clara_blairheart/pseuds/clara_blairheart
Summary: SPOILERS for Season 2 aheadPlease do not read this if you haven't seen Season 2 Episode 10 All Alone - i.e. the S2 finale----“So let me get this straight. We haven’t played horizontal polo yet?” he said with an arch of his eyebrow.“No, no we haven’t.”





	No We Didn't

“I'll tell you the best thing about Europe, folks, not one person in London or Paris decided to take time out of their day to come up to me and tell me I’ve had sex with Lenny Bruce! I’m Mrs Maisel, and no we didn’t but anyway it sure is good to be back home.” 

 

Midge walked off stage at the Gaslight to applause, wearing fitted maroon pants and a maroon sweater, signed a napkin autograph with a quick smile and shot Susie a look. 

 

“It was great, don’t worry,” Susie said with a pat on Midge’s back. “Drink?” 

 

“Sure, why not, we… still deserve it.” 

 

“SUSIE, SUSIE..” - a shout from the back. 

 

“Hold on a minute, what’re those knuckleheads doing now?” Susie huffed and sighed, shaking her head and going over to the back booths. 

 

Midge leaned over the bar on her tiptoes, pulled a single glass over, set it down triumphantly, then a bottle of gin. 

 

“Tits up,” came a low, lilting voice in her ear as an arm snaked around her and a half full glass of whiskey clinked the gin bottle on the counter. 

 

A smile starting forming on Midge’s face as she turned around on the spot to find herself wedged between the Gaslight’s bar and an amused but clearly quite drunk Lenny Bruce in his signature suit. He left his right hand on the bar, arm half resting on Midge’s hip as he took a slow drag of his cigarette, his eyes only leaving hers for a millisecond to glance at her lips. 

 

“So let me get this straight. We _haven’t_ played horizontal polo yet?” he said with an arch of his eyebrow. 

 

“No, no we haven’t.” 

 

“Funny. Then who, might I ask, was the chirpy, perky, irritatingly funny Upper West Side broad in my bed this morning?” he said, comically loudly for the benefit of everyone standing near them. 

 

“Ah, that was obviously Judith. Good, old Judith, you’re just her type. Handsome but self-loathing.” 

 

He chuckled as he brought his whiskey up for a sip. “Oh yes Judith, such a heartbreaker. She left ten dollar bills on my nightstand and a misspelled thank you note addressed to Brucie.” 

 

“Ten bucks? You’ve tripled your rates, good for you.” 

 

He smiled kindly and let her win, for the benefit of their audience. “Good for me, good for me.” 

 

When people started chattering again, Lenny lowered his head and leaned in close. She lowered her head slightly too and her heart started beating faster, she could actually hear her own breathing. He wouldn’t? In public? It would undo the whole point of adding the gag into her routine. And didn’t he have a wife?

 

She heard his voice in her ear again. “We have something in common now, Mrs. Maisel,” he drawled, “I went and got a divorce some months ago, I’ve been drunk every night since and I am in need of some moral support at this present time.” 

 

He leaned back and took another drag of his cigarette. Boy, this man could really smoke a cigarette. “Purely of the pep talk variety that you so excel in, of course. I missed it terribly while you’ve been gone,” he added, with a glint of something like a challenge in his eye. 

 

Midge tilted her head with what she hoped was a vixen-like smile then straightened back up, pushing her chest out, almost imperceptibly, before looking at him from beneath her lashes, all entirely on purpose. His eyes still hadn’t left hers as she finished her little performance. 

 

“Well, Mr. Bruce, my stage name might still be Mrs. Maisel but I too am now legally a free woman to _morally support_ any friends of my choosing.” 

 

“Mrs. Maisel, you’re making a good man blush. And the delectable doctor?” 

 

“Uh uh, didn’t work out, Jell-O molds,” she said with a shake of her head, still smiling. 

 

Lenny went to raise his glass to take another drink but Midge’s left arm shot up and grabbed firmly hold of his wrist. She thought she heard his breathing turn shallow - could just be the drink - as his eyes darted down to see her small hand enclosing his wrist. She ran her thumb in a circle gently over his skin. As Lenny was about to respond, she gently took the glass from him and downed the whiskey with another shake of her head from the burn, making him chuckle again. 

 

“Well, you caught me, officer. I’ll be your jailbird, for once I’m willing to serve my time,” he said, raising his wrist, and hers, higher in the air and using the motion to step in even closer to her so that his chest was only an inch or so away from hers. “Joseph, Mary and Moses, tell me I’m not misreading the signals from the most irritatingly funny broad on the Upper West Side.” 

 

Midge took her time, slowly raising on her tiptoes and bringing her lips up to Lenny’s ear. “You’re not misreading the signals from the most irritatingly funny _comic_ on the Upper West side.” 

 

Lenny gave her another soft, semi-earnest smile. 

 

“Well, that is a relief.” He paused. 

 

“Because if it’s alright with the lady, after congratulating you on your triumphant return to the city I was planning on er, taking you back to my place you see, removing all this unnecessary fabric, laying you down ever so carefully on my bed and then proceeding to kiss and lick and lap at your no doubt beautiful pussy for an hour. Or two.” Eyebrow arch. Drag of cigarette. 

 

Midge let out a small gasp, her cheeks began to turn pink - lucky she had her stage powder on - and the image of the irreverent Lenny Bruce, between her legs, reverently pleasing her, made her really quite wet. Dirty talk alone had never done that to her before and Joel, though enthusiastic about putting her first, had never _quite_ perfected his oral sex technique. 

 

Lenny had been closely observing the effect his words were having on her and started to look awfully smug until...

 

“I’ll get my coat.” 

 


End file.
